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#actuallyautistic voices

Six Years Later...Trevor revisits their first blog

Editors Note: Exactly six years ago, Trevor wrote their first blog and published it on our site. This past week, as a part of a writing exercise to revisit a past piece of writing and reflect, Trevor came back to it with a lot of new perspective.

We're reprinting the original blog here, followed by Trevor's recent reflection. - LMQ

Hear Me Roar!

- June 17, 2018

Trevor has been working on the boards with Lisa for about a year. This past winter after Trevor participated in their IEP meeting using a letterboard, their school began exploring how to support their access to communication and more rigorous education.

Two of Trevor's teachers asked a question we keep hearing as students who may have some verbal abilities develop skills on the letterboard and spell something completely different than what they're typing: "What do we do when you say one thing but spell another?"

Trevor answers that question in this debut blog.

Trevor, as a teenager, points to letters on a laminated board.
Trevor composing their first blog in 2018

When I speak the words formed in my little cranium get lost in my mouth.

What you hear has very much to do with what stimuli my senses perceive at that moment. Like right when I see Mom in Lisa’s office it triggers me to say “Chick Fil A” cause once I went there right after.

Hate that my words make some people think I’m retarded.

Get used to me saying things with my letterboard! Help me get to show the world I’m smart. Learn how to support me with the voice I choose not the one you hear.

Hear me roar. Hear me make believers out of you. Hear my voice or hear my wrath.

I’m done having others speak for me. Get ready only have fifteen years to make up for.


Roar Revisited

- June 17, 2024

A white woman and a beareded, headphone-wearing human lean together and smile.
Trevor, now an adult, with Lisa in 2024

If I could make myself a time machine, I would return to my first IEP meeting where I was able to communicate with a letterboard, and I would not have been so rosy about the promises the school made to learn to support and challenge me.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have concentrated my efforts to convince my parents to get me the hell out of there. Hindsight is 20/20 but I can’t help thinking about the time I wasted there and the harm it did for my mental health.

It’s been six years since I wrote this, my first blog. I can’t describe all that’s happened in those years in one short piece, but I can say it’s been a lot of therapy to heal from it.

I see the ferocity of my determination to be heard, and that, at least, hasn’t changed.

I still plan to roar my truth, but I’m being more thoughtful so when I’m ready to unleash it, my roar reverberates with an intensity that can’t be ignored.

Big things coming in the future, so brace yourselves for impact.


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